Loneliness. Patience. Wisdom. Happiness.

Woke up to a lovely rain, it feels more like early Spring than Fall to me. Watching the dogs nap and listening to Maxine, the duck, quack as she wanders the garden. All is peaceful...

Last night I went to a friend's place and met his kangaroo, she is a rescue who has ended up living there. The doc is a long-time zoo vet, so this is not an unusual animal for him to have at home. I watched him give her a bottle, and then she came up to me to check me out, surrounded by her five dog companions. SO cute!

Animals. I could not live without them.

Life has been upside down since returning from the last European Tour - but I am picking myself up again. I feel I have so much to say but it is hard to put it into words. This is the problem of emotion, when you feel gutted and empty from circumstance and have such trouble trying to explain how it feels to those who aren't able to live inside your skin.

Poetry is how I connect and speak truths, touch hearts and rise to that very special place where words are nothing but cages - trapping the deeper meaning behind their doors - snapped shut with metal lock.

My thoughts are like animals - they need to be free and given wide open spaces to roam, to find kindred spirits that connect their voices to emotion and yet somehow still breathe, and say it's okay to do so - to rise above the soil up into the sky - to look back down from a distance without pain - that was something left somewhere below...

AH! To the Future! I cannot wait to look calmly at the Past.

Just typing this has brought a wave of peace to my soul.

Back to Nature

Lyrics in progress for a new InfraWarrior song...

Through the cracks in the wall I'm going back to Nature

Through the holes in the floor my roots search for the waters

Along crumbling brick I rebuild the great temple

Over collapsed walls I'm stretching myself homeward

The walls are blurring and the lines between

What we know and what's Unseen

You need to walk with the Great Mystery

You've got to let Nature in

As the sidewalks break I'm going back to Nature

Along rusting wires I'm stretching out my fingers

From the rotting beams I'm reaching towards the answer

Along the broken glass I may walk forever

Back to Nature

The walls are blurring and the lines between

What we know and what's Unseen

You need to walk with the Great Mystery

You've got to let Nature in

Leave the endless noise I'm going back to silence

On the crumbling bridge I cross back to the mountains

By the light of the hundred year old lantern

Through the blood red sea I'll sink into the alters

On the fluttering wings I'm going back to Nature

On the horse's mane I'm going back to Nature

On the lion's back I'm going back to Nature

When the trees have burned

Leave a bounty of fruit at the base of the cinders

When the oceans die,

Cry your tears along the rivers.

If you have no voice, speak to Nature

If you have no direction, look to Nature

If you life stands for nothing, stand for Nature

If you believe in nothing, believe in Nature

All Lovers Lost - 2010

I am my only Thief and Jailer Keep

The hours pull me through the seasons of a Crooked year...

And to those I gave life

Confessions of a gift worth end

Dawn breaks like ice on a pond - springing forth green eternal
The flooding of cool waters - life emerges...

Hours pass...

Five minutes brings the shock of it all
Winter's icy shadow rises to prey upon me...
The tears are endless.
The agony of fear of a future never expected...

And the glutton for emptiness

Can feast on my heart

In the minds where my dear Alvina weeps

Once lifted their voice in praise

But past is ever past.
The past too great a treasure,
Caught in the gleam of a shining coin.

Summer's dry heat has returned.
I am unable to cry,
And can't fathom why I should.

Then the chill of Dusk - like Fall -
Love's dead leaves crumble through my fingers
I am frozen in time -
Completely and utterly hopeless.

And all lovers Lost

Find them in the heart of darkness...

Winter thus returns on the hour of a clock that stopped ticking.

Such is the reign of banishment

In my heart...

New Work...

How easy it is to leave a two-dimensional realm...
A history lesson from a faded textbook, in the end...

My complexities no longer exist.

I simply fill the space that is taken by my ghost -
All the details that made me breathe fire to your heart
Contained and destroyed.
I rained ash upon you with each smoldering ember.

Dare to breathe me in
And your lungs may fill with dust.
Run - that is the simple answer -
I cannot haunt places I haven't been -
Your secrets are safe in the black and the white -
In the freedom of a future where I can no longer find you.

Within the Old realm, another dimension was fervent.
My wrists - the smallest bones you once kissed -
The hand you longed to hold -
The eyes that drove you mad -

Home.

Home - once in my arms -
Now a square drawn on a page of a book
You dare not read again.
Add a chimney, a swirl to the smoke -
It may remind you.

Save yourself from the fury of cobwebs
That have taken the throne.
I am the keeper of what must never be -
The ash covered corpse of a slowly crumbling being.
Through the years you may forget her a bit more,
But no living future bride
(Unknown - or already known)
Will ever come close.

And you know this.

She is still here!
Somewhere...

Her memory is lost to the ancient texts.
Her image made to silhouette.

Lesson learned.

The Battle...

This was written around 2002 - and was included on my book, 'The Muse Inward' and partially used in 'Boudiccea' from 'The Burning Season'...

Have I spoken of the battle between Word and Deed?

I have traveled long and wide on the hills of
When and when to step and where
Lightly and hardly
I would I might should I
Become Her at last.
But rather to write of it may heal enough.

Experience versus the mind -
I was the Queen who fell upon her sword,
In Dreams I have fought the good fight - Inert all else.
Silent in person.
Silence...
My words have laid the path,
Ah, but my deeds I am most likely to be known for...

When she steps she does so delicately,
And where she steps
The grass does grow in the shape of her exquisite footsteps.

Promise is a sickness when it all but speaks and acts opposing to its word.
Pianos cannot play themselves.
I’ll slip away when at last we meet.

I am warrior...
My madness impossible to detect within the horrors of social conduct.
My wits sharpened to weaponry.

Deed cannot but make my tongue silent -
Word is an act enough to bring down effortless Tyranny.
Deed renders me inert.
We would rather the doe shot down simply in the story, I think...

Word may somehow retract Deed.
Chooses a face with strange cracks.
Ah, but Deed.

Deed is the Truth of character.

Poetry...

I am in full writing mode, and will begin posting new poems and lyrics every week... This is the working poem that a number of song lyrics sprang from, I began it in 2005 or so....

---

What have you done?
There is no forgiveness when the heart is gone.

I spoke the truth until it hurt -
The space behind the heart that holds it like a fist
Breath tightened under duress -
Or the truth within us.

Ripped from the root:
Shut the thinking down

And let the show begin.

A low-itched harmony, that chest-pained fear of life,
The lump in the throat that panics speech -
That kind of pang that can well one up in tears
At the snap of a finger:
An idea of a child’s memory relit
Like an old unwanted dog with such sadness in its eyes
It hurts to see its such weariness
And we all know this.

I feel her alive and thankful
Magic the guide to expect as she makes her entrance -
On the roof as the building collapsed,
Oh the wind can cause the rails to creak like a ship in Arctic duress.
A slavedancer, beaded and perfumed
Metal-cold bracelets upon each battered wrist -
The question of my deity rewarded
With a neck that stretches out for miles.
I am yet just and fair in the language of the trees
A warrior in respite while they plotted my death.
Then a simple Bard shackled and singing to a Roman Lord -
I know what it is to lose my two sons
I remember somehow that grievous pain in the pit of my stomach,
My fingernails chipped and filled with dirt from the farm,
Smoke brushes along the contours of my form,
Seamen called and I answered,
Painted for another photo-shoot,
Walking delicately through the mines,
Trimmed, and perfect and haven’t eaten in three days,
Look to the side, see the conspirators behind the curtain,
Down the alleyways,
Waiting in a Model T,
Tumbling through forests,
Guns and knives, hammers and poisons
Wandering between realms
Like Trojan soldiers on a vase, I fought well and bitter and to the death,
I become 100 years old and awakened - animate.
Like the Huntress, I am prey, or conquered by Love.
I fall like leaves from separate similar struggles,
Falling to the side, folding in
My hands frozen at the tips -
Reaching up again to that lovely, lovely place
Frostbite without actuality - a point of meaning -
I cannot see the faces in the balcony.
Flashing one scene then the next -
The lights red to gold upon my hair,
Oh I could answer any question -
The taste of me alone profound,
Resurrected.
Resurrected.

Interview with All Things Girl

This is a quick interview I did...