Monica Richards: Musings

And Another Year Passes...

2011-12-31T10:16:00.000-08:00

Here's to 2012!

2011 is a bit of a "well we made it through that one" for me, and I think many other people as well, having heard from friends and fans. But then, so was 2010 for me...

For 2012, I am truly looking forward to a number of things. The release of NAIADES, my long awaited Book & CD. I'm updating the NAIADES page to give full website info to each artist. Official preview video below:

Full video of the Mighty is coming later in January! Seraphemera Books' Marc Moorash is currently editing as I type this. He was the brilliant artist/editor behind F&TM's "Battle Hymn" and "Sovereign" videos as well as the : shoumei : DVD... I cannot wait for this to come out. Perhaps it will be available the very day pre-orders begin shipping!

As far as performing live, look for me later in 2012. It's up in the air as far as what kind of show I plan to do, but I do know the *music* will be live! I have a wonderful group of musicians around me, and I am thankful that they plan to go on adventures. Stay tuned!

2012 is also going to be wonderful because Sonny is still with us, (and had we not begun the chemo program for his lymphoma when we did, he wouldn't have made it to Xmas)! I don't have the words for how Steve tirelessly raised the funds through his artist friends, or their amazing generosity and immeasurable talent in creating and/or donating art for Sonny's treatments. We'll be putting out a sketchbook for the art below!

THE SONNY PROJECT

Top row: Jill Thompson, Kelley Jones, Miran Kim. Second row, l-r: Bernie Wrightson, Fiona Staples, Bill Sienkiewicz, Antoine Dodé. Third row, l-r: Ming Doyle, Scott Morse, Nathan Ooten, Liz Wrightson. Fourth row, l-r: Greg Ruth, Menton3, Daniele Serra, Gabriel Hardman. Bottom row: John Rozum, Monty Lewis

Sonny is bouncing around with new energy and is a very happy dog these days, which - our vet pointed out - shows that he was sick for quite a while before we discovered that his neck glands were like golf balls. I can now safely say that - though I find many problems with chemo and human reaction, having seen it through my own sister 's losing battle many years ago - it does work in dogs...

This year I also plan to do some soundtrack work with one or two of Steve Niles' books... Soundtracks and theme music are styles I have clearly been moving towards, so I figure this may be a great place to start. More on that as it comes... I have also begun doing some remix work, The March Violets will be releasing remixes, one of which was made by yours truly!

I may also put out (finally) a little Book of Tales... Little micro-stories that I have been writing for many, many years... I called them Tales from Parallel Planets for a long time, I may or may not use that as the title. I will include the original tale behind ANAFAE.

And speaking of ANAFAE, Jim and I may move this to a web comic, we're in the beginning of discussing this...

So 2012 shows great promise! Onward and upward!

NAIADES Update!

2011-12-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

So I realized it's been a few months since I updated this blog!

NAIADES is in manufacture, due to come out January 15th, 2012! I have a video I will be posting this weekend with highlights from the CD and all sorts of views of the artwork! Stay tuned!

Sonny is doing great, he has one more round (4 weeks) of chemo, and we hope it will really kick his lymphoma into remission!

Here's to a great Holiday! More info to come!

THE SONNY PROJECT

2011-10-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

THE SONNY PROJECT Some amazing artwork is being made of Sonny!

Top row, l-r: Scott Morse, Fiona Staples, Bill Sienkiewicz, Antoine Dodé. Second row, l-r: Ming Doyle, Miran Kim, Liz Wrightson. Third row, l-r: Greg Ruth, Menton3, Daniele Serra, Gabriel Hardman. Bottom row, l-r: John Rozum, Monte Lewis.

Originals are now starting to be auctioned!

See Menton3's gorgeous Sonny painting HERE!

See Greg Ruth's Sonny in Ministry of Silly Walks HERE!

More to come!

They'll also all go into limited edition print sets or possibly an art book, we're deciding as more art pours in!

People are so amazing...

2011-10-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to say enough about how wonderful our friends are! So many have been helping and donating money and artwork! Here are 4 wonderful pieces made for and of Sonny to help offset his vet and hospital bills!

Top left clockwise: Ming Doyle, Bill Sienkiewicz, Menton3 and Greg Ruth.

If you'd like to donate, Steve has set up a donate page on his site HERE! Anything will be great, from $1 on up!

We're going to be listing ebay auctions for Sonny as well, which will be so instrumental in getting him the every best treatment we can!

2011-10-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

Sonny made it through his first chemo, and we are so very hopeful! We are currently talking to some amazing artists to do artwork for him to help offset the vet and hospital bills. With the artwork, we plan to sell as limited edition print sets as well as auction the originals. To the left are some lovely images of Sonny, left to right, by Ming Doyle, Greg Ruth and Menton3.

Sonny...

2011-10-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

I find that the hardest, saddest animal rescue cases can also be the most heartwarming. I can't resist the hard luck stories as in the end, they end up being the happiest of all animals. This has lead me to adopt a three-legged dog, a kitten with a near-blind eye, a cat that needed to get broken her tail removed, the list goes on and on. We love our kids, each one has a very unique story.

Our dog Sonny is one; he's a very, very special pup. He was rescued in 2005 on a hot Summer day in Los Angeles where a bunch of street guys were feeding him beer. The woman that rescued him pulled up and demanded that they let go of the rope they had around his neck. He immediately jumped in her car and I met him a few hours later. He was a very sweet greyhound/terrier mix, completely dirty at the time with a giant scar that traveled half-way down his body. Vets tell me it was a Frankenstein sew-job. He also has scar tissue covering the skin under his ears. For years he had nightmares nearly every night. And a severe fear of being left alone.

With all of that... Sonny is one of the friendliest dogs I've ever known. He loves meeting people, loves kids, and finds himself more at home around humans than other dogs. He has an intelligence I've never seen in a canine, almost as if he could actually speak to you.

In 2008, Sonny came down with ITP, an auto-immune disorder that caused his body to destroy his own blood platelets. He nearly bled to death while they worked day and night to lower his immune system and stop the attack, as well as get him blood and plasma transfusions until they actually worked. It took three transfusions before his blood began to go back to normal. After that we had to work on keeping his immune system low and getting him tested repeatedly to make sure the ITP didn't return.

Sonny is a very happy dog these days. After everything he's been through, he's now stable and secure enough to be home alone, and he hardly has nightmares now. He and his pal Zendra are like two peas in a pod.

So... I was quite shocked when I found the glands under his neck to be swelled out like golf balls. And after being tested, we find he has lymphoma. Most likely brought on by his immune disorder. He is not in any way acting ill, so hopefully we're catching this early.

Tomorrow we get him to the oncologist and figure out the plan of attack. I hate to do chemo, but Sonny is a very special case, and we have to really walk the tightrope on how we'll proceed. I've just gotten a whole new holistic supplement system for him to help with what he's got to deal with.

With everything else happening in our lives, this is going to be so hard to afford. Steve has been talking to artists about making special artwork of Sonny. We plan to sell sets of prints of our boy while we deal with the hospital bills to come.

How Things Were... and How They Are.

2011-09-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

I have in my possession an antique melodeon. It was hand-built by my great-great-grandfather. It doesn't work, the vacuum bellows are in need of repair. Someday I hope to find someone who can fix it. But I have something that is directly connected to my own roots, my family, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it… I run my hands along the cherry wood that he sanded and stained. I can play with on the keys that he carved. It is an heirloom.

When I was a teenager, one of the things I loved about getting a new album was that it came with a big cover, often with a lyric sheet, and I would just sit and read over the lyrics and look over the artwork while listening to the music. It was an overall experience. It was a journey. Many from my 80's generation and older are just like me, but I do also know that some young people (and I HATE using that term, but, eh... I'm the older generation now, no denying that) are wondering what that was like. These records, some of them I have now 20+ years later, and the smell of them, holding them, it takes me back to those times. I love that...

We are locked into this high-tech, lightning-fast age and it gets faster every year… which devalues all aspects of creation and Art as it now can be turned into digital media: visual arts, music, books and films. Younger generations grew up with and therefore always expect instant gratification. That also makes for a feeling of being uncentered and out of balance. The faceless world of the internet allows for no knowledge of action or reaction to what one does on the computer. Apathy prevails.

I know that people will be able to download my next album free, and torrent sites will pretend that they are "promoting" my music, but really... once someone downloads it, the chances are nil that they will then actually buy it once they get it free. And what hurts Underground musicians is that our music is hard to find anyway, you have to really search to buy our music, I get that. So people just hit the button and download, then they have it and it's done.

This is really affecting us, causing us to now to be forced to cancel tours, stop recording, or take years longer... because the source of our small supplemental income is now drying up. It's always cost to be an Underground musician, but now it is costing so much more... We used to sell a couple thousand of each release. Now it is a couple hundred. It affects us deeper than you know, especially when each downloader thinks "I'm just one person, my download won't matter." Times that by a few thousand, and there you go.

Here are some facts about what Underground bands get paid, and why it is so important to support them:

• If you buy something directly from a band's website, and you spend $10, they get the whole $10, minus only the processing fees from either the credit card company or Paypal.

• If you purchase something from iTunes, the band gets about 67 cents for each dollar you spend.

• If you purchase a CD from someplace like Amazon, they get about 45 cents for each dollar you spend.

• If you download something from a torrent site, they (WE - as musicians), of course, get $0.

Possibly, there will be some sort of a Renaissance towards slowing things down. To spend some time in Nature, to enjoy your food, to take time out to read an actual book, or just lie in the grass. With the insane amount of audio and visual input overload at every turn - the idea of waiting for anything seems so strange. So I ask you to take a little walk with me to an earlier time, when you wait patently for a new release, and you sit down, put the music on, and take the journey with me!

This is why I decided to go for a serious hard-cover book for NAIADES, so that fans will really have something solid to own, to hold, to keep forever, and years down the line, they can return to read and read again. I am doing this by the very seat of my pants, with the hopes that fans will really understand the value of my choice of music and art.

Love and thanks to Patty Hele, and kaRIN and Statik of Collide, who began this conversation with me...

Downloads die off with old computers and ipods, but Art is indeed forever.

NAIADES

2011-08-13T06:59:00.001-07:00

I love researching! It fully enthralls me to get to the source of things. It also gives me so much inspiration and is so fascinating as I move through the mythology as well as the work itself...

NAIADES were associated with fresh water, as the Oceanids were with saltwater. Naiades presided over fountains, wells, springs, streams, and brooks.

But the NEREIDES were fifty Haliad Nymphs or goddesses of the sea. They were the patrons of sailors and fishermen, who came to the aid of men in distress, and goddesses who had in their care the sea's rich bounty. Individually they also represented various facets of the sea, from salty brine, to foam, sand, rocky shores, waves and currents, in addition to the various skills possessed by seamen. To the left is a Greek vase, depicting Nereides.

So like the ethereal piece, 'Naiades', that I had opening my last two shows, (and will also open my Los Angeles show) I have also create a piece called 'Nereides', which is much deeper and a bit more ominous...

I'm also very excited about the new album as far as the music! Though the first InfraWarrior album, which really was centered around electro-tribal work - for the most part, though... songs like "Into My Own", "We Are the One" and "The Turnaway" were quite different.

Paul Mercer and his producer Bruce Bennett are working on a gutwrenching classical song entitled "LureinLay". There is also a purely tribal drums and vocal piece entitled "Scylla and Charybdis" where I really have fun with multiple vocals. I even have a couple near punk rock-like tunes due to Steve Niles' help. Steve was in Gray Matter back in the day, one of the first Dischord bands, so he's been writing riffs with me. We knew each other when we were just kids in the punk rock scene, and I love how things have come back full circle for us! Just finished recording a song called "Pride" which I am quite proud of!

And then the song "EndBegin" which I listed the lyrics in my last post, the end is something I am so proud of! Mutliple chant vocals that intertwine, with tribal shouts that caused our dogs to bark throughout the house thinking I was hurt. Hilarious!

Info on the album artwork to come! I have big plans, and hope to report soon on them!

Full Immersion into NAIADES

2011-08-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

I am eagerly awaiting the finished painting by artist Chrissie Zullo of the album cover, and working away on the full album now as well as the booklet artwork. Bits and pieces of lyrics may show up, as well as fun mermaid imagery that I've been playing with. Here are the working lyrics to a new song "EndBegin"...

Through the cracks in the wall I'm going back to Nature

Through the holes in the floor my roots search for the waters

Along crumbling brick I'm building back my forest

Over collapsed walls I'm stretching myself homeward

As the sidewalks break I'm dropping down my anchors

Along rusting wires I'm stretching out my fingers

From the rotting beams I'm reaching towards the answer

Upon broken glass I may walk forever

The trees are burning and the wars unseen

What we know and what we believe

The walls are blurring and the lines between

What we know and what we believe

Leave the endless noise I'm going back to silence

On the crumbling bridge I cross back to the mountains

Through the blood red sea I'll sink into the alters

Through the cracks in the wall I'm going back to Nature

Leave a bounty of fruit at the base of the cinders

Through the holes in the floor my roots search for the waters

When the oceans die, your tears will fill the rivers.

Beating a song into shape.

2011-07-26T17:27:00.001-07:00

Words bristle and ignite themselves

Backwards and upside-down before a pen can be found -

Claiming a strange reward in shattering bursts

That flame and die all too soon

To recreate such catastrophe.

I have left Life fall cold a plunging necessity somewhere behind me,

As I retrace its electricity...

Like a weed that triumphs charred ruin,

I suppose Nature springs from me then.

Blowing its brilliance through my lungs

Blazing its secrets forth

Changing colors against the frost

While I capture it thus -

Imperfectly -

Letting it cool past my fingertips,

Shaping it numb and trimming it to proper form -

Elementally agreeable

And trained to speak.

Sea Change...

2011-07-15T08:44:00.001-07:00

I have to admit, I'm having a great time making jewelry, searching through boxes of my old stuff, resurrecting pieces I wore with costumes... and finding all sorts of new things to create. It's a zen thing for me, I am finding.

"My silence killed my writing skills..."

It's been a strange time. Restoration of my old pieces seems to restore me personally... It touches upon everything I am doing now. Transformation into a solo artist, choosing my own distinct vision, with the help, support and love of those around me...

Though my new album title, "Naiades" was decided upon, I have had a hard time articulating why I have chosen to go back to the waters... but my inner-voice told me to flow with this. Now things are truly making themselves known...

I am undergoing a Sea-Change, it seems...

From Shakespeare's The Tempest:

"Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes,
Nothing of him that doth fade,
But doth suffer a Sea-change,
Into something rich and strange,
Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell,
Ding-dong.
Hark! Now I hear them, ding-dong, bell."

Renewal, Redefinition, Metamorphosis.

Lyrics are beginning to flow as I just work with my hands, especially when parts of completely different eras and ages suddenly click and just work together. My mind is allowed to float freely as my hands work. I am drawn to Dragonflies, Skulls, natural elements of change.

There was a woman that once wrote, "how do I know what I have to say until I see what I write?" So funny to see what is coming out of me and only just now catching myself in the mirror!

On Purging and Moving Forward...

2011-06-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Sooooo…. it's been a good long while since I have written anything here. A great deal has happened in the last long while, and it's been very hard to write about my personal life. How does one lead a public and private life, staying true to one or the other, continuing a sort of mythology in order not to cause pain to fans, yet at the same time be thrown into the struggle of my life? Some of you know what I've had to go through in the last year. It's been, to say the least… challenging.

But I have come through and almost on the other side of some very dark times. Now I have a new life, new Love and feeling very hopeful towards the future!

With all of this, I am stronger now. I've learned to count on myself and to believe in myself. I've found the ability to ask for help when I need it (which is not easy for me), and to lean on those close pals around me who have helped me along the way. And the good side is these changes have fed my own personal artistic expression and have allowed me to grow by leaps and bounds at learning to record and mix my own music, as well as create the soundtrack to the live film for my shows. I feel as if I am walking in new worlds, entering new realms and all of it up to me.

Yet the truth is… It has been extremely costly to deal with a mountain of debt from the FatM tours - on top of upheaving my life, creating a new studio to work in and - in many ways, start completely over. I am now a completely self-run entity and will start my own record company to release my album in the U.S. But doing just a simple search for my music, I find website after website offering my music for free. Orders are very few and far between. It's been, at the very least, disheartening.

My fans say they can't wait to hear my next album. Many don't understand that it costs so much to do what I love to do, and create what they hopefully love to listen to.

This is why I am going to do the following: sell my paintings, more artwork, some personal creations, belongings and costumes -- and -- ask for donations.

I had a long talk with kaRIn and Statik of Collide, another completely independent musical entity and old friends of mine. They told me about their donation page, and the amount of support fans have given them. They also pointed out the following facts, which I know all too well, but may be good to reiterate here:

• If you buy something directly from a band's website, and you spend $10, they get the whole $10, minus only the processing fees from either the credit card company or paypal.

• If you purchase something from iTunes, the band gets about 67 cents for each dollar you spend.

• If you purchase a CD from someplace like Amazon, they get about 45 cents for each dollar you spend.

• If you download something from a torrent site, they (we - as musicians), of course, get $0.

For anyone who feels like they can help out a little (or for people who may have been getting my music for free), now is your chance to help me continue to make music. Your donation will help fund some of the costs of recording my new album, including mastering costs, production costs, some studio equipment I need as well as the dreaded pressing costs.

With any donation of $25 or more, you will also get your name in the credits of my new album as a special supporter.

PLEASE DONATE NOW.

Here are the pages with Items for Sale:

My Best Known Paintings, and Less Expensive Paintings

Unique, Hand-made and One-of-a-Kind items

Costumes and More

Hand-made Jewelry

I hope this will be fun for those fans who would love their name added to my next album, or get the chance to own a little piece of history from one of my costumes or art pieces.

Thank you for the support all these years!

XXOO!

Monica

New Blogs coming at last!

2011-06-23T19:30:00.001-07:00

I've been out of the loop, but now back to work on writing my thoughts... Stay tuned! XXOO, M

Fozzie Bear...

2011-01-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

I am writing this while my Fozzie Bear is still alive… though he is so weak and can hardly stand without falling, he still happily barks at visitors to come and greet him. The pain in his legs has gotten to the point that he cries quietly all day, so at least now he is comfortable these last few days - I made sure of that… The hardest part is that his mind is fine, it's his poor body that has finally worn out…

I met Fozzie when he was so tiny he actually looked like his Muppet namesake. (Namesake, is that right?) He had that short stubby puppy-bear nose and big wide eyes, all fluffy black and brown… He still had his fourth leg, but it was wrapped with "Please Adopt me" written on his bandage (by CC, my lil sis, who was a vet tech at the hospital - she was the one who told me about him). It was as thin as a stick and he used it like a little cane, though he was able to run around with it, tapping it every second on the floor. The story was he had been hit by a car and a junky was holding him - with the 4th leg dangling like meat - trying to sell him for drugs. Luckily the guy who gave him $20 brought him directly to my vet - and into loving, caring hands.

I hadn't had a dog since I was a kid, but as soon as I saw Fozzie, he was my baby boy. They removed his leg and he came home with a giant bandage that stretched all around him, and a big, wide smile. How can you resist a little puppy with three legs that's always smiling??? Fozzie didn't know he only had three legs - it didn't impact him until he was around 7 or so and the ACLs on both back legs had torn. Two operations later, he had metal parts put in his legs to help him walk again… We called him the Bionic Dog at that point.

Baby boy, never a complaint…

When I first wrote the short story "Spring - Untitled" - which later became the source for ANAFAE - I saw Fozzie as her guardian Fauz Fenris: a three-legged dog that grew a fourth leg of flora when Mother Nature stood by him… His personality burst from the pages. It is going to be hard to continue ANAFAE with him gone, but at the same time he will live on and on now…

Fozzie loved his big sister, Sugar, and especially loved his little sisters Daisy and Zendra. He raised my puppy, baby Nola, well. They all loved to chew on his neck while lying on their backs beneath his chin - Fozzie seemed vicious as he opened his wide jaws, only to gently touch their necks in play. He was always the most gentle and nurturing when new kittens were adopted - they would bat at his nose as he stared at them wide-eyed.

Fozzie went very peacefully, he had a wonderful, happy life - so hard to say goodbye... The doc found a large mass while examining him, so the time was right, to be sure...

An Interview!

2010-12-08T18:05:00.000-08:00

I recently did an interview about The Book of Annwyn. Though I self-published it in 1998, it seems to have deep roots, fortunately! This was for the American Welsh Society (Americymru Association). Click Here!

The Muse Onward

2010-11-11T08:23:00.000-08:00

I wish I might explain the enormity of Image,

Merely a magnification that reflects back

From the eyes of those who do not know me at all.

The fear of breaking from my little box.

Trapped in my own Illuminated corner.

Magic appears from behind the curtain

The Enchanted mirror:

Scenes from a lost childhood teach humanity to search out idols -

Its temperamental need to be reminded of a Perfect world -

Yet full of swift rejection should the Human turn its head

And bring forth its own heart

Not the one expected or more often demanded

But the gleam of a life lived onward

Full of turns and tides.

Like life, We ebb and flow.

Hell hath the fury of every little resented Reflection.

The pedestal smashed underfoot in moments.

Thus the rest of Persona must remain immersed in the water,

Drowned.

For the time at least.

Hope itself is enough to bring the Dead back to life.

I am the Muse:

But I must reflect that which radiates upon me.

It can not come from the void.

So the One I choose to shine on

Can only be the One that causes me to shine.

Now a beacon of light flares from my center

Like a homing signal high above the cities.

I radiate endlessly - electricity pours from my fingertips.

I cannot stay calm or silent but will -

Not for my own choice but that of thousands who must learn

Slowly -

That even the realm of Dream -

And the humans that live under such a weight -

May change and breathe new life.

My mythology changed forever.

My Tale is that of beginnings.

This is Truth.

Crows

2010-11-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

Documentary: A Murder of Crows

I have written on these magical beings often... They are very prominent in Celtic Mythology, as Bran (Welsh for Crow) and Branwen - White or Shining Crow. The Crow is their War deity, and this is just the beginning... I have Crows that hang around my yard - they cluck and clickw hen they hang over my yard... I love that they know that my place is a good place...

Watching this documentary is incredibly inspiring to my own creative work as it manifests...

Loneliness. Patience. Wisdom. Happiness.

2010-10-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

Woke up to a lovely rain, it feels more like early Spring than Fall to me. Watching the dogs nap and listening to Maxine, the duck, quack as she wanders the garden. All is peaceful...

Last night I went to a friend's place and met his kangaroo, she is a rescue who has ended up living there. The doc is a long-time zoo vet, so this is not an unusual animal for him to have at home. I watched him give her a bottle, and then she came up to me to check me out, surrounded by her five dog companions. SO cute!

Animals. I could not live without them.

Life has been upside down since returning from the last European Tour - but I am picking myself up again. I feel I have so much to say but it is hard to put it into words. This is the problem of emotion, when you feel gutted and empty from circumstance and have such trouble trying to explain how it feels to those who aren't able to live inside your skin.

Poetry is how I connect and speak truths, touch hearts and rise to that very special place where words are nothing but cages - trapping the deeper meaning behind their doors - snapped shut with metal lock.

My thoughts are like animals - they need to be free and given wide open spaces to roam, to find kindred spirits that connect their voices to emotion and yet somehow still breathe, and say it's okay to do so - to rise above the soil up into the sky - to look back down from a distance without pain - that was something left somewhere below...

AH! To the Future! I cannot wait to look calmly at the Past.

Just typing this has brought a wave of peace to my soul.

Back to Nature

2010-09-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

Lyrics in progress for a new InfraWarrior song...

Through the cracks in the wall I'm going back to Nature

Through the holes in the floor my roots search for the waters

Along crumbling brick I rebuild the great temple

Over collapsed walls I'm stretching myself homeward

The walls are blurring and the lines between

What we know and what's Unseen

You need to walk with the Great Mystery

You've got to let Nature in

As the sidewalks break I'm going back to Nature

Along rusting wires I'm stretching out my fingers

From the rotting beams I'm reaching towards the answer

Along the broken glass I may walk forever

Back to Nature

The walls are blurring and the lines between

What we know and what's Unseen

You need to walk with the Great Mystery

You've got to let Nature in

Leave the endless noise I'm going back to silence

On the crumbling bridge I cross back to the mountains

By the light of the hundred year old lantern

Through the blood red sea I'll sink into the alters

On the fluttering wings I'm going back to Nature

On the horse's mane I'm going back to Nature

On the lion's back I'm going back to Nature

When the trees have burned

Leave a bounty of fruit at the base of the cinders

When the oceans die,

Cry your tears along the rivers.

If you have no voice, speak to Nature

If you have no direction, look to Nature

If you life stands for nothing, stand for Nature

If you believe in nothing, believe in Nature

All Lovers Lost - 2010

2010-09-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

I am my only Thief and Jailer Keep

The hours pull me through the seasons of a Crooked year...

And to those I gave life

Confessions of a gift worth end

Dawn breaks like ice on a pond - springing forth green eternal
The flooding of cool waters - life emerges...

Hours pass...

Five minutes brings the shock of it all
Winter's icy shadow rises to prey upon me...
The tears are endless.
The agony of fear of a future never expected...

And the glutton for emptiness

Can feast on my heart

In the minds where my dear Alvina weeps

Once lifted their voice in praise

But past is ever past.
The past too great a treasure,
Caught in the gleam of a shining coin.

Summer's dry heat has returned.
I am unable to cry,
And can't fathom why I should.

Then the chill of Dusk - like Fall -
Love's dead leaves crumble through my fingers
I am frozen in time -
Completely and utterly hopeless.

And all lovers Lost

Find them in the heart of darkness...

Winter thus returns on the hour of a clock that stopped ticking.

Such is the reign of banishment

In my heart...

New Work...

2010-09-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

How easy it is to leave a two-dimensional realm...
A history lesson from a faded textbook, in the end...

My complexities no longer exist.

I simply fill the space that is taken by my ghost -
All the details that made me breathe fire to your heart
Contained and destroyed.
I rained ash upon you with each smoldering ember.

Dare to breathe me in
And your lungs may fill with dust.
Run - that is the simple answer -
I cannot haunt places I haven't been -
Your secrets are safe in the black and the white -
In the freedom of a future where I can no longer find you.

Within the Old realm, another dimension was fervent.
My wrists - the smallest bones you once kissed -
The hand you longed to hold -
The eyes that drove you mad -

Home.

Home - once in my arms -
Now a square drawn on a page of a book
You dare not read again.
Add a chimney, a swirl to the smoke -
It may remind you.

Save yourself from the fury of cobwebs
That have taken the throne.
I am the keeper of what must never be -
The ash covered corpse of a slowly crumbling being.
Through the years you may forget her a bit more,
But no living future bride
(Unknown - or already known)
Will ever come close.

And you know this.

She is still here!
Somewhere...

Her memory is lost to the ancient texts.
Her image made to silhouette.

Lesson learned.

The Battle...

2010-09-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

This was written around 2002 - and was included on my book, 'The Muse Inward' and partially used in 'Boudiccea' from 'The Burning Season'...

Have I spoken of the battle between Word and Deed?

I have traveled long and wide on the hills of
When and when to step and where
Lightly and hardly
I would I might should I
Become Her at last.
But rather to write of it may heal enough.

Experience versus the mind -
I was the Queen who fell upon her sword,
In Dreams I have fought the good fight - Inert all else.
Silent in person.
Silence...
My words have laid the path,
Ah, but my deeds I am most likely to be known for...

When she steps she does so delicately,
And where she steps
The grass does grow in the shape of her exquisite footsteps.

Promise is a sickness when it all but speaks and acts opposing to its word.
Pianos cannot play themselves.
I’ll slip away when at last we meet.

I am warrior...
My madness impossible to detect within the horrors of social conduct.
My wits sharpened to weaponry.

Deed cannot but make my tongue silent -
Word is an act enough to bring down effortless Tyranny.
Deed renders me inert.
We would rather the doe shot down simply in the story, I think...

Word may somehow retract Deed.
Chooses a face with strange cracks.
Ah, but Deed.

Deed is the Truth of character.

Poetry...

2010-08-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am in full writing mode, and will begin posting new poems and lyrics every week... This is the working poem that a number of song lyrics sprang from, I began it in 2005 or so....

---

What have you done?
There is no forgiveness when the heart is gone.

I spoke the truth until it hurt -
The space behind the heart that holds it like a fist
Breath tightened under duress -
Or the truth within us.

Ripped from the root:
Shut the thinking down

And let the show begin.

A low-itched harmony, that chest-pained fear of life,
The lump in the throat that panics speech -
That kind of pang that can well one up in tears
At the snap of a finger:
An idea of a child’s memory relit
Like an old unwanted dog with such sadness in its eyes
It hurts to see its such weariness
And we all know this.

I feel her alive and thankful
Magic the guide to expect as she makes her entrance -
On the roof as the building collapsed,
Oh the wind can cause the rails to creak like a ship in Arctic duress.
A slavedancer, beaded and perfumed
Metal-cold bracelets upon each battered wrist -
The question of my deity rewarded
With a neck that stretches out for miles.
I am yet just and fair in the language of the trees
A warrior in respite while they plotted my death.
Then a simple Bard shackled and singing to a Roman Lord -
I know what it is to lose my two sons
I remember somehow that grievous pain in the pit of my stomach,
My fingernails chipped and filled with dirt from the farm,
Smoke brushes along the contours of my form,
Seamen called and I answered,
Painted for another photo-shoot,
Walking delicately through the mines,
Trimmed, and perfect and haven’t eaten in three days,
Look to the side, see the conspirators behind the curtain,
Down the alleyways,
Waiting in a Model T,
Tumbling through forests,
Guns and knives, hammers and poisons
Wandering between realms
Like Trojan soldiers on a vase, I fought well and bitter and to the death,
I become 100 years old and awakened - animate.
Like the Huntress, I am prey, or conquered by Love.
I fall like leaves from separate similar struggles,
Falling to the side, folding in
My hands frozen at the tips -
Reaching up again to that lovely, lovely place
Frostbite without actuality - a point of meaning -
I cannot see the faces in the balcony.
Flashing one scene then the next -
The lights red to gold upon my hair,
Oh I could answer any question -
The taste of me alone profound,
Resurrected.
Resurrected.

Interview with All Things Girl

2010-06-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

This is a quick interview I did...

In New Orleans...

2010-05-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

Florida was nearly 100 degrees and such high humidity, we melted before hitting the stage! What a difference from the earlier part of the tour... The last few shows have been very small, and the usual comment of "if we had known what a show this was going to be, we would have really promoted it!" is becoming a bit too tiresome to hear... In New Orleans now, staying on the Garden District in a place that was an orphanage many years ago - our kind of place! Off to find a Cajun Vegan restaurant we have heard about, and get a bit of rest!

Thoughts from the Road

2010-04-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

After over two weeks, we are finally in the 'zone' - I call it this for myself, once you break through the insanity and fatigue, though my voice is taking a beating night after night. Three hours of sleep and hours and hours driving to the next city, one needs to be hardened to live this life and open to the realms you find yourself. I love the moment by moment of life on tour, meeting fans, listening to stories, performing and having delirious and hilarious moments. We miss home terribly, and our amazing housesitter has been taking such great care of everyone - she posted photos of the babies on her pages, how gorgeous everything is blooming and the babies look happy and cared for.

I am finding that we are now a '90's era' band, and that some sort of revival is at hand; though people are loving our new music, they also love all the past albums. I am currently backstage in Washington DC, haven't been back here for 6 years - and everything is green and gorgeous! The weather throughout the U.S. has thus far been nippy, land throughout the heartland is barely over the Winter, but once we took the turn down from Canada into New York, we are seeing wonderful new growth. Funny how I look at soil and plant life everywhere I go, it is an entire undercurrent of life around us! Onward to the next, and the next and the next. I am currently in silence mode, and have to actually be somewhat silent when greeting fans in order to get onto the next shows - fingers crossed!

Ars Terra Website

2010-03-26T08:50:00.000-07:00

So we completely overhauled the Ars Terra website. It is much more our style now and completely updated with all of the house projects. Stepping back and looking at these photos floors me... It really is amazing when you work with Nature on making changes to the landscape, and brings me such peace. I still need to create a greenhouse section, but as I am just getting that sorted, it will be a bit later. Enjoy!

Avatar...

2010-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

William and I went to see Avatar, and we both left teary-eyed and very misty. Seeing it in 3D was indeed like entering a new world, but at the same time, it all seemed so familiar to me. This was the world of my dreams as a child. I longed to live in a place like that, and my first tales were of an imaginary lion - Apolleon. I began writing about him when I was about 8 or so, and had a complete book of stories as well as a short opera about him. We lived in a gorgeous jungle-like world together with otherworldly creatures and I was part lion myself. "Sheena Queen of the Jungle" was about as close as I ever saw to what I had dreamed of, but it paled so much to what I had imagined.

What floored me was the concept of the Na’vi people: world-wide matriarchal cultures were merged to create this special tribe who understood the Mother Goddess. Cameron based their words on the Maori language of New Zealand. The idea that their tails connected like electricity to other species, plants - that killed me. To our ancestors, life and land have always been deeply connected.

One idea that I really loved was the fact that the Humans were actually the evil Aliens. Their directive is that which people fear so much should UFOs actually come here: to destroy the earth and all its inhabitants in order to get something out of it - but isn't that what we do to ourselves?

I have read that people have been feeling depression after seeing it, that something tugs them so deeply from seeing this movie - I believe it is because it is the forgotten Truth in our hearts, in our primal brain - the lost connection we once had! People want to live there, because they KNOW they were there once. It makes you KNOW how the way of the modern world is wrong, and that it the very truth we must all look for...

I wrote about this in The Book of Annwyn, its conclusion that I return to often: "Thus, here we are, our modern sense of knowledge completely disconnected from the people we once were. Imagine what it was like to have only the facts of Nature all around you. Watch a thunderstorm with new eyes, where no weatherman exists to explain its coming, or its meaning. Imagine the Moon’s consistently changing shape, the heat of the Sun’s rays, the mists of clouds causing the tops of mountains to disappear, and the falling of snow and hail. Here is the essence of Myth, the awe of the Unknown, where recognizing each tiny change in climate, watching the habits of an animal’s migration - all held a key in Understanding. Our instincts were fine-tuned, and our lives were held in the balance of the seasons... The ability to create art, a skill so misunderstood in this day and age of Art-openings and tiresome criticism, was viewed as simply magical. Music and singing, in its earliest form, was also mystical, and it’s creation had the ability to calm the murderous beast. Some still find this Truth deep within their hearts: some art and music touches a place before memory could be given dialogue..."

Spring: Awakening

2010-03-13T12:58:00.001-08:00

This has become my favorite time of year - out here in the desert, it can either be too hot or too cold. March brings hope - moisture to the soil we have been building over the last three seasons, new shoots, flowers, frogs and birds... A ground squirrel has set up a home next to the duck barn...

I am itching to go on the road, but hate the fact that we are going to be gone through Spring... Missing out on the roses, tadpoles, budding grapevines. Before I began planting and gardening, the seasons really meant nothing to me. Now I bend with them. When a frost happens after new shoots have risen, I take it in stride. I have learned that Nature must do what She will, and we must simply work with her, create shade and micro-climate, build soil, allow things to move naturally... Something changes in your heart... hard to explain...

Musings: A New Start

2010-03-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

2010 - Musings are starting over in a whole new place... and are part of my creative thought process. A diary of ideas and thoughts that will help me to further explore my current projects. I have been going through years of writings, old poetry, short stories, papers from college... While returning to Graves' "The White Goddess", I love the following quote, have used it often - even on the pages of the InfraWarrior CD. It just gets all the more timely:

"We are now at the stage where the common people of Christendom, spurred on by their demagogues, have grown so proud that they are no longer content to be the hands and feet and trunk of the body politic, but demand to be the intellect as well - or, as much intellect as is needed to satisfy their simple appetites. As a result, all but a very few have discarded their religious idealism... and come to the private conclusion that money, though the root of all evil, is the sole practical means of expressing value or of determining social precedence; a morality of common honesty is not relevant either to love, war, business, or politics. Yet they feel guilty about their backsliding, send their children to Sunday school, maintain the churches and look with alarm to the east, where a younger and more fanatical faith threatens.

What ails Christianity today is that it is not a religion squarely based on a single myth; it is a complex of juridical decisions made under political pressure in an ancient lawsuit about religious rights between the adherent Mother-goddess who was once supreme in the West, and those of the usurping Father-god.

The propaganda services of the West perpetually announce that the only way out of our present troubles is a return to religion, but assume that religion ought not to be defined in any precise sense: that no good can come from publicizing either the contradictions between the main revealed religions and their mutually hostile sects, or the factual misstatements contained in their doctrines, or the shameful actions which they have all at one time or another, been used to cloak. What is really being urged is an improvement in national and international ethics, not everyone's sudden return to the beliefs of his childhood - which, if undertaken with true religious enthusiasm, would obviously lead to a renewal of religious wars.

Since all contemporary religions contradict one another, however politely, in their articles of faith, can any definition of the word religion be made that is practically relevant to the solution of the present political problems?

Cicero connected relegere, 'to read dully' - hence 'to pore upon, or study' divine lore. Some four and a half centuries later, Saint Augustine derived it from religare, 'to bind back' and supposed that it implied a pious obligation to obey divine law; and this is the sense in which religion has been understood ever since. Neither took into account the length of the first syllable of religio, or the alternative spelling relligio. Relligio can be formed only from the phrase rem legere, 'to choose or pick the right thing', and religion to the Greeks and Romans was not obedience to laws but a means of protecting the tribe against evil by active counter-measures of good. It was in the hands of magically-minded priesthood, whose duty was to suggest what action would please the gods on peculiarly auspicious or inauspicious occasions...

It must be explained that the word lex, 'law', began with a sense of a 'chosen word', or magical pronouncement, and that it was later given a false derivation from ligare. Law in Rome grew out of religion: occasional pronouncements developed proverbial force and became legal principles. But as soon as religion in its primitive sense is interpreted as social obligation and defined by tabulated laws, inspired magic goes, and what remains is theology, ecclesiastical ritual, and negatively ethical behavior. If, therefore, it is wished to avoid disharmony, dullness, and oppression in all social contexts, each problem must be regarded as unique, to be settled by right choice based on instinctive good principle, not be reference to a code or summary of precedents.

There seems to be no escape from our difficulties until the industrial system breaks down for some reason or another, and Nature reasserts herself with grass and trees among the ruins. But the longer her hour is postponed, and therefore the more exhausted by man's irreligious improvidence the natural resources of the soil and sea become, the less merciful will she be."- Robert Graves, 1948